A part-time worker is fully employed, half the time. In other words, they are part-time unemployees. - Jarod Kintz

I wouldn’t want the guests at my birthday party confusing my celebration with the Oscars. That’s why I’m having the awards ceremony after we eat cake and I open my presents.

If artists often get famous posthumously, then there is only one thing for me to do — fake my own death. Or I could just wait for science to give me a clone, and kill him instead. He’ll get my credit, and I’ll get his money.

I wish success could be ordered like delivery pizza, because I’d order take out.