I saw him do a No More Potatoes Dance, after he saw me stuff the last of the mashed potatoes in my pocket. - Jarod Kintz

I may not be a horse whisperer, but I certainly can and do shout at unicorns.

Every night I pray I whisper into a megaphone, not only so God is sure to hear, but also my neighbors, because I pray to God He’ll deliver pestilence and plague to the residents next door. I even tell God the exact address, as if He can’t read my heart. But it’s not for His benefit, it’s for my neighbors’.

My two parents represent the single greatest influence on my life. And if my dad had been there for me, it would be the double greatest influence on my life.