If you’re tired of taking one step forward and two steps back, just turn around. That way you’ll be going forward in reverse. - Jarod Kintz

The morning always has a way of creeping up on me and peeking in my bedroom windows. The sunrise is such a pervert.

A one dollar bill, though it weighs less than 99 pennies, is psychologically heavier.

One of the side effects of Viagra is blurred vision. Sounds great! When I’m taking a pill to pop a stiffy, how great is it that any woman I look at has blurred features and therefore is as beautiful as an impressionistic painting?