Friends are like orgasms: you can never have too many, but just try to watch out for the fake ones. - Jarod Kintz

What’s the point of being the first to arrive? Nobody is there to witness your commitment.

Midnight is Hellen-Kelleresque, so if you ask me if I’m seeing anybody, I’ll ask you what time it is. Answers are always between 12:01 AM to 11:59 PM.

You know you’re in love when you reach out to hold your woman’s hand, without remembering that her hands are full because you insisted she carry all the groceries out to the car.