I don’t want to make love last, I want to make love second to last. The last thing we’ll do is cuddle. - Jarod Kintz

I want to keep a human mouth on my coffee table. It’ll be a great conversation starter.

I’m surprised there isn’t a jet airplane designed in the shape of a brick. Some people (aeronautical engineers) might say that’s because bricks aren’t aerodynamic. Yeah, right. I’d like to see someone make that claim as they watch a brick flying towards their face at a high velocity.

You tell me you love me, but I’m not sure you know what love is, or how fast it flies, or how much it resembles a UFO, or what kind of weapon you’d use to shoot it down.