Laughter is an instant vacation. - Milton Berle

If evolution really works, how come mothers only have two hands?

"A man falls down a flight of stairs and somebody rushes over to him and asks, "Did you miss a step?"

"No," he answers, "I hit every one of them!

I took over the Moran and Mack spot and wowed them. The theater owner's report to the booker of the entire circuit was a glowing review. A week later I was booked on a bigger circuit. I kept working and polishing my act until the GIANT door opened for me and there was the big time ... the Palace Theater [sic] on Broadway.
P.S. If opportunity doesn't knock, build a door.