Milton Berle Quotes

I’d rather be a could-be if I cannot be an are; because a could-be is a maybe who is reaching for a star. I’d rather be a has-been than a might-have-been by far; for a might-have-been has never been, but a has-been was once an are.

A good wife always forgives her husband when she's wrong.

You can lead a man to Congress, but you can't make him think.

The only place success comes before is in the dictionary

I know why superman left krypton. Earth was the only place where he could get steriods!

You can't believe everything you hear, but it's fun to repeat it anyway.

I'd rather be a could-be if I cannot be an are; because a could-be is a maybe who is reaching for a star. I'd rather be a has-been than a might have been, by far; for a might have been has never been but a has was once an are.

All I can say is at 82, if I had it to live over again, I'd live it the same, sweet — or not so sweet — way. At 82, I feel like a 20-year-old. But unfortunately, there's never one around.

Laughter is the best medicine in the world.

If opportunity doesn’t knock, build a door.

I took over the Moran and Mack spot and wowed them. The theater owner's report to the booker of the entire circuit was a glowing review. A week later I was booked on a bigger circuit. I kept working and polishing my act until the GIANT door opened for me and there was the big time ... the Palace Theater [sic] on Broadway.
P.S. If opportunity doesn't knock, build a door.

I'd rather be a could-be if I cannot be an are; because a could-be is a maybe who is reaching for a star. I'd rather be a has-been than a might-have-been, by far; for a might have-been has never been, but a has was once an are.

You don't need to travel, laughter is an instant vacation

Jews don't drink much because it interferes with their suffering.

Committee - a group of men who keep minutes and waste hours.