19 Quotes Tagged: wordplay

I'd call him a sadistic, hippophilic necrophile, but that would be beating a dead horse.

Arthur: If I asked you where the hell we were, would I regret it?
Ford: We're safe.
Arthur: Oh good.
Ford: We're in a small galley cabin in one of the spaceships of the Vogon Constructor Fleet.
Arthur: Ah, this is obviously some strange use of the word safe that I wasn't previously aware of.

There was no Lo to behold.

Of course it is,’ said the Duchess, who seemed ready to agree to everything
that Alice said; ‘there’s a large mustard-mine near here. And the moral
of that is– “The more there is of mine, the less there is of yours.

Man is the only animal that blushes. Or needs to.

Your friends are all the dullest dogs I know. They are not beautiful: they are only decorated. They are not clean: they are only shaved and starched. They are not dignified: they are only fashionably dressed. They are not educated: they are only college passmen. They are not religious: they are only pewrenters. They are not moral: they are only conventional. They are not virtuous: they are only cowardly. They are not even vicious: they are only “frail.” They are not artistic: they are only lascivious. They are not prosperous: they are only rich. They are not loyal, they are only servile; not dutiful, only sheepish; not public spirited, only patriotic; not courageous, only quarrelsome; not determined, only obstinate; not masterful, only domineering; not self-controlled, only obtuse; not self-respecting, only vain; not kind, only sentimental; not social, only gregarious; not considerate, only polite; not intelligent, only opinionated; not progressive, only factious; not imaginative, only superstitious; not just, only vindictive; not generous, only propitiatory; not disciplined, only cowed; and not truthful at all: liars every one of them, to the very backbone of their souls.

If you fail to plan, you are planning to fail!

Well, if crime fighters fight crime and fire fighters fight fires, what do freedom fighters fight?

The old saw says “Let a sleeping dog lie." Still, when there is much at stake it is better to get a newspaper to do it.

"Three,' reckoned the captain, 'ourselves make seven, counting Hawkins, here. Now, about honest hands?'
Most likely Trelawney's own men," said the doctor; 'those he had picked up for himself, before he lit on Silver.'
Nay,' replied the squire. 'Hands was one of mine.'
I did think I could have trusted Hands,' added the captain.

I like persons better than principles, and I like persons with no principles better than anything else in the world.

Look after the senses and the sounds will look after themselves

Bigamy is having one wife too many. Monogamy is the same.

Love flies out the door when money comes innuendo.

What a funny watch!’ she remarked. ‘It tells the day of the month, and doesn’t tell
what o’clock it is!’
‘Why should it?’ muttered the Hatter. ‘Does YOUR watch tell you what year it is?’
‘Of course not,’ Alice replied very readily: ‘but that’s because it stays the same year for such a long time together.’
‘Which is just the case with MINE,’ said the Hatter.