What’s with the zombie craze? Zombies are half alive, half dead, right? Sounds like my wife in bed. - Jarod Kintz

When I sing, it sounds like I’m gargling spaghetti. Is it any wonder that women lust after me and mail me their panties? (Mail to: Jarod Kintz/12358 Fibonacci Way/Jacksonville, Fl 32258)

A mafia don could snap his fingers and somebody would snap my neck. But when I snap my fingers, people start dancing. Or at least my clones would.

He was an introverted kid, so I didn’t send him to his room as punishment. No, I took him to a party.