If it turns out that there is a God...the worst that you can say about him is that basically he's an underachiever. - Woody Allen

Not only is there no God, but try finding a plumber on Sunday.

Of all the famous men who ever lived, the one I would most like to have been was Socrates. Not just because he was a great thinker, because I have been known to have some reasonably profound insights myself, although mine invariably revolve around a Swedish airline stewardess and some handcuffs.

If only God would give me some clear sign! Like making a large deposit in my name in a Swiss bank.