I am the broth of love. Make soup to me. - Jarod Kintz

At first sign of crisis, the ignorant don’t panic because they don’t know what’s going on, and then later they panic precisely because they don’t know what’s going on.

I remember I laughed so hard I cried. But my response was half appropriate, because I was at a funeral.

"Before I die, I want to change my name to "Here," so that my tombstone could simply read, "Here lies." And then people who knew me could walk by, shake their head, and say, "Ain't that the truth.