Ignore that nightmare in the bathroom. Just another ugly refugee from the Love Generation, some doom-struck gimp who couldn't handle the pressure. My attorney has never been able to accept the notion — often espoused by reformed drug abusers and especially popular among those on probation — that you can get a lot higher without drugs than with them. And neither have I, for that matter.
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Sometimes people say to me 'These states that you're talking about, can't they be achieved without drugs?' And my answer to that is, 'My God, who would want to?' What would be proved by achieving these things without drugs? If the things I'm talking about began to happen to me without drugs I would be very very concerned and alarmed. And also I think there is something to be said for admitting that we cannot do it alone. That if you want this spiritual insight, if you want the Gaian matrix to welcome you, then humble yourself to the point of making a deal with a plant. That's the key.
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The drug issue is hard to separate from a class issue, an education issue, a wonky foreign policy issue, and a race issue. What I do know is, be it caffeine, alcohol, cocaine, or adrenaline, let's face it: people like to get high. From Starbucks to Budweiser to your own brain, everybody's a pusher these days. If I could substitute another drug to be consumed in the country as much as alcohol is, it would be helium from children's birthday party balloons. Try not laughing when someone sounds like a chipmunk!
Before coming to prison I had virtually no knowledge of the drug culture, so it was a real revelation. One of the first phenomena I noticed was justification. Drug users totally rationalize what they do. They consider it their "right," and often become resentful or even dangerous if you question their actions. Now, regular readers of FOCUS FOURTEEN know that the word "rights" is meaningless. Those with the might decide what is "right" for the powerless. And I tell you with all conviction and certainty, that no Aryan will have the "right" to set examples of destructive behavior before the children of our nations when we have them. This does not mean that I endorse police powers for a central government. It does mean that if some degenerate offers drugs, or legitimizes drugs, to a man's children, then the father has the duty to execute the offender.
Drug addicts, especially young ones, are conformists flocking together in sticky groups, and I do not write for groups, nor approve of group therapy (the big scene in the Freudian farce); as I have said often enough, I write for myself in multiplicate, a not unfamiliar phenomenon on the horizon of shimmering deserts. Young dunces who turn to drugs cannot read “Lolita,” or any of my books, some in fact cannot read at all. Let me also observe that the term “square” already dates as a slang word, for nothing dates quicker than conservative youth, nor is there anything more philistine, more bourgeois, more ovine than this business of drug duncery. Half a century ago, a similar fashion among the smart set of St. Petersburg was cocaine sniffing combined with phony orientalities. The better and brighter minds of my young American readers are far removed from those juvenile fads and faddists. I also used to know in the past a Communist agent who got so involved in trying to wreck anti-Bolshevist groups by distributing drugs among them that he became an addict himself and lapsed into a dreamy state of commendable metempsychic sloth. He must be grazing today on some grassy slope in Tibet if he has not yet lined the coat of his fortunate shepherd.
The consequence of all this is terrifying and inescapable: You have become incapable of loving anyone or anything. If you wish to love you must learn to see again. And if you wish to see you must give up your drug. You must tear away from your being the roots of society that have penetrated to the marrow. You must drop out. Externally everything will go on as before, you will continue to be in the world, but no longer of it. And in your heart you will now be free at last and utterly alone. It is only in this aloneness, this utter solitude, that dependence and desire will die, and the capacity to love is born. For one no longer sees others as means to satisfy one’s addiction.
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Contrary to popular media portrayals, most drug users are not addicts. They are responsible members of their communities. They pay their bills and taxes on time; they take care of their families; and they volunteer in their local and global communities. They are artists, engineers, firemen, homemakers, judges, lawyers, pastors, physicians, politicians, professors, schoolteachers, scientists, social workers, truck drivers, writers, and many other types of professionals.
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