It’s my birthday, who could be calling me? Probably my clone, wondering why he hasn’t been born yet. - Jarod Kintz

I always keep a Ziploc bag in my pocket, and wherever I go I fill up my bag with dirt, because my goal is to be the largest land holder in the world by the time I'm 42.

If girlfriends were knees, I'd love to have both of mine replaced. That way, it'd be easier to run around on them.

People ask me all the time, “Jarod, how come you are so much more romantic than anybody else?” And I say, “Simple. I have brains, heart, courage, and most importantly, I have ruby red slippers.