our judgments about the world are all that we can control, but also all that we need to control in order to be happy; tranquility results from replac… - Oliver Burkeman

When you render the process more convenient, you drain it of its meaning.

You might call it ‘bright sadness’ (as does the priest and author Richard Rohr), ‘stubborn gladness’ (the poet Jack Gilbert), or ‘sober joy’ (the Heidegger scholar Bruce Ballard).9, 10, 11 Or you could just call it finally encountering real life, and the brute fact of our finite weeks.

The advice of etiquette experts on dealing with unwanted invitations, or overly demanding requests for favours, has always been the same: just say no. That may have been a useless mantra in the war on drugs, but in the war on relatives who want to stay for a fortnight, or colleagues trying to get you to do their work for them, the manners guru Emily Post's formulation – 'I'm afraid that won't be possible' – remains the gold standard. Excuses merely invite negotiation. The comic retort has its place (Peter Cook: 'Oh dear, I find I'm watching television that night'), and I'm fond of the tautological non-explanation ('I can't, because I'm unable to'). But these are variations on a theme. The best way to say no is to say no. Then shut up.