I’m an all-the-water-I-can-drink-in-a-flower-vase kind of lover. Roses and batteries sold separately. - Jarod Kintz

Larry Bird looks like a bird, and Johnny Vagina looks like — hey, what is that in the sky?

Love isn’t a series of slogans like “Just do it,” “It’s the real thing,” or “Go ahead, stick it in my butt.” Love is much more than that. Love is also a logo. I know, because I have it tattooed on my ass.

I have a nervous lips tick, so naturally I try to cover it up with lipstick.