You never know what you will find in your pants!

Cole, would it be okay if I crapped myself right now?

Shit my pants, see how long it takes them to notice.

That's a wonderful side effect of leather pants: when you pee yourself in them, they're more forgiving than jeans.

I have my big-boy pants on right now. I'm trying not to cry!

Forgive my pants for remaining unshitten.

If you get caught with your pants down, take 'em off.

When you're dealing with someone who only has a pair of underpants on, if you take his underpants off, he has nothing left - he's naked. You're better off trying to find him a pair of trousers to complement him rather than change him.

I wish I could forget my panties.

Sonny, I'm old enough to have changed your nappies.

If you are safe and your pant is not safe, my sister you are not safe o. Please get peg hangers, dry your pants in your bathroom (not close to your windows abeg o) Don’t just dispose ur old pants anyhow, cut them into shreds (focus on the underlay part), or better still burn them out completely.

Everyone had taken their places, when I excused myself to visit the bathroom, and there, in the toilet, was the absolute biggest turd I have ever seen in my life - no toilet paper or anything, just this long and coiled specimen, as thick as a burrito.

I'm not perfect; no, I step in shit all the time and recognize it when I do. I've just learned how to scrape it off my boots and carry on.

It's a pity I didn't take a picture, because I never, ever wear trousers! (Laughs) It's because of my size, you see. I can never buy the right length, so I never bother with trousers. I thought I should have taken a picture in that - the trousers and that hat. I like hats, I do wear hats.