When your family dies, that’s a bummer, but that’s life. When my family dies, it’s a tragedy and the world is unbalanced and biased. - Jarod Kintz

I’m so shy that if you played “Guess The Mannequin” with me and two mannequins, you’d pick me, because I’m the quiet one. Still, it’s important for me to get out and meet people, even if that means hanging around department stores wearing the latest fashions.

A relationship is a sales process, and sometimes you must buy to sell, and when you sell it is to the benefit of both of you.

When I found him lying in the ditch holding a shovel, I thought he was sleeping on the job. Turns out he was being even lazier, and he was in fact dead.