Andy Weir Quotes

So I'm a single man in my thirties, who lives alone in a small apartment, I don't have any kids, but I like kids a lot. I don't like where this is going...
A teacher! I'm a schoolteacher! I remember it now!
Oh, thank God. I'm a teacher.

He puts his claw against the divider. “Fist my bump.”

“Fist-bump. It’s just ‘fist-bump.’”

“Understand.

I am smiling a great smile. The smile of a man who fucked with his car and didn’t break it.

Humanity’s first miscommunication with an intelligent alien race. Glad I could be a part of it.

Another day, another staff meeting. Who would have thought saving the world could be so boring?

There aren’t many people who can say they’ve vandalized a three-billion-dollar spacecraft, but I’m one of them.

It’s a strange feeling. Everywhere I go, I’m the first. Step outside the rover? First guy ever to be there! Climb a hill? First guy to climb that hill! Kick a rock? That rock hadn’t moved in a million years! I’m the first guy to drive long-distance on Mars. The first guy to spend more than thirty-one sols on Mars. The first guy to grow crops on Mars. First, first, first!

Maybe I’ll post a consumer review. “Brought product to surface of Mars. It stopped working. 0/10.

Good. Proud. I am scary space monster. You are leaky space blob.” He points to the breeder tanks. “Check tanks!

Sheesh — you almost ruin a mission one time and all of a sudden you have an alien-enforced bedtime.

The screen went black before I was out of the airlock. Turns out the “L” in “LCD” stands for “Liquid.” I guess it either froze or boiled off. Maybe I’ll post a consumer review. “Brought product to surface of Mars. It stopped working. 0/10.

[08:31] JPL: Good, keep us posted on any mechanical or electronic problems. By the way, the name of the probe we’re sending is Iris. Named after the Greek goddess who traveled the heavens with the speed of wind. She’s also the goddess of rainbows. [08:47] WATNEY: Gay probe coming to save me. Got it.

I leaned to Dimitri. “Are all Russians crazy?” “Yes,” he said with a smile. “It is the only way to be Russian and happy at the same time.” “That’s…dark.” “That’s Russian!

Martinez and Johanssen floated down the hall toward Docking Port A. “So,” he said, “who would you have eaten first?” She glared at him. “’Cause I think I’d be tastiest,” he continued, flexing his arm. “Look at that. Good solid muscle there.” “You’re not funny.” “I’m free-range, you know. Corn-fed.” She shook her head and accelerated down the hall. “Come on! I thought you liked Mexican!” “Not listening,” she called back.

Space is dangerous. It's what we do here. If you want to play it safe all the time, go join an insurance company.