Bill Watterson Quotes

It's not denial. I'm just selective about the reality I accept.

Even if lives did hang in the balance, it would depend on whose they were.

I think life should be more like TV. I think all of life's problems ought to be solved in 30 minutes with simple homilies, don't you? I think weight and oral hygiene ought to be our biggest concerns. I think we should all have powerful, high-paying jobs, and everyone should drive fancy sports cars. All our desires should be instantly gratified. Women should always wear tight clothing, and men should carry powerful handguns. Life overall should be more glamorous, thrill-packed, and filled with applause, don't you think?... Then again, if real life was like that, what would we watch on television?

Everybody I know fails the acid test of friendship.

Reading goes faster if you don't sweat comprehension.

Ah, the life of a newspaper cartoonist -- how I miss the groupies, drugs and trashed hotel rooms!

"Calvin: I used to hate writing assignments, but now I enjoy them. I realized that the purpose of writing is to inflate weak ideas, obscure poor reasoning, and inhibit clarity. With a little practice, writing can be an intimidating and impenetrable fog! Want to see my book report?
Hobbes: (Reading Calvin's paper) "The Dynamics of Interbeing and Monological Imperatives in Dick and Jane: A Study in Psychic Transrelational Gender modes."
Calvin: Academia, here I come!"

Calvin: Look, a dead bird!
Hobbes: It must've hit a window.
Calvin: Isn't it beautiful? It's so delicate. Sighhh... once it's too late, you appreciate what a miracle life is. You realize that nature is ruthless and our existence is very fragile, temporary, and precious. But to go on with your daily affairs, you can't really think about that...which is probably why everyone takes the world for granted and why we act so thoughtlessly. It's very confusing. I suppose it will all make sense when we grow up.
Hobbes: No doubt.

Happiness is being famous for your financial ability to indulge in every kind of excess.

Did you ever wonder if the person in the puddle is real, and you're just a reflection of him?

You never know when some crazed rodent with cold feet could be running loose in your pants.

The purpose of writing is to inflate weak ideas, obscure poor reasoning and inhibit clarity.

Girls are like slugs — they probably serve some purpose, but it's hard to imagine what.

If people sat outside and looked at the stars each night, I'll bet they'd live a lot differently.

CALVIN:
This whole Santa Claus thing just doesn't make sense. Why all the secrecy? Why all the mystery?
If the guy exists why doesn't he ever show himself and prove it?
And if he doesn't exist what's the meaning of all this?
HOBBES:
I dunno. Isn't this a religious holiday?
CALVIN:
Yeah, but actually, I've got the same questions about God.