Bill Watterson Quotes

Hold it. You know what I'd like to see? I'd like to see the three bears eat the three little pigs, and then the bears join up with the big bad wolf and eat Goldilocks and Little Red Riding Hood! Tell me a story like that, OK?

I've got to start listening to those quiet, nagging doubts.

God put me on earth to accomplish certain things. Right now, I’m so far behind, I’ll never die.

That's the difference between me and the rest of the world! Happiness isn't good enough for me! I demand euphoria!

Now what state do you live in?'
'Denial.

Why waste time learning when ignorance is instantaneous. — -Hobbes

Happiness is being famous for your financial ability to indulge in every kind of excess.

You know, sometimes kids get bad grades in school because the class moves too slow for them. Einstein got D's in school. Well guess what, I get F's!!!

Life's disappointments are harder to take when you don't know any swear words.

Calvin: Life's a lot more fun when you aren't responsible for your actions.

History is the fiction we invent to persuade ourselves that events are knowable and that life has order and direction. That's why events are always reinterpreted when values change. We need new versions of history to allow for our current prejudices.

You know what's weird? Day by day, nothing seems to change, but pretty soon...everything's different.

Mom and dad say I should make my life an example of the principles I believe in. But every time I do, they tell me to stop it.

You can drag my body to school but my spirit refuses to go.

"Calvin:"It says here that 'religion is the opiate of the masses.'...what do you suppose that means?"
Television: "...it means that Karl Marx hadn't seen anything yet