Bo Burnham Quotes

If every day you play the board game Risk
You've probably never taken a risk
In your life / And Monopoly has far
From a stranglehold on the board game market
A little kid died from suffocation
When he choked on a game piece from Operation

If I had a dime for every time a homeless guy asked me for change, I'd still say no.

Look at all of Bo's hos, lookin' for a ride on Bo's hose
And I spot a little Latino, booty so big, call it "Oprah's ego"
We go to it, through it / She says "¡Dios mia, mi amigo!"
Pull it out, stick it in your mouth, and I bust in the back of ya
"Swallow bitch! There's people starvin' in Africa!"

We the people of the USA / José, we're not talkin' to you, ese
We got a border in order to keep you out / It's what my NYU essay's about
Cause we're xenophobic warrior princess / Molested by my Uncle Sam, is that incest?
"I Want You... to smell my finger! Does my nephew's scent still linger?"

What's a pirate minus the ship? / Just a creative homeless guy
And an anteater plus a large hungry mutant ant? / An ironic way to die
And what's domain domain range? / A kid with too much in his pants
And two balls minus one? / Seven titles at the Tour de France

Love is... your favorite food for every breakfast, lunch, and dinner, and
Love is... the Holocaust, except you don't die quick and you don't get thinner, and
Love is... bein' the owner of the company that makes rape whistles, and
Even though you started the company with good intentions, trying to reduce the rate of rape,
Now you don't want to reduce it at all, 'cause if the rape rate declines, you'll see an equal decline in whistle sales

Love is... takin' a dive and gettin' really comfortable and peein' in the pool, and
Love is... a real-life porn— minus all the stuff that makes porn cool, and
Love is... a homeless guy searchin' for treasure in the middle of the rain, and
Findin' a bag of gold coins and slowly finding out they're all filled with chocolate, and
Even though he's heartbroken, he can't complain, 'cause he was hungry in the first place

'Cause girls are like donuts when I be bustin' Bo nuts
I can make 'em cream-filled or give them a layer of glaze
I'm like Doug's friend Skeeter whenever I meet her
Because I skeet her so hard people call her Patty Mayonnaise

'Cause I'm Bo, yo / I'm the greatest rapper ever
And I'll weather your weather whether you think I'm clever or not
Think you're better, you're not / Don't need a sweater, I'm hot
I'm a real G, shorty, that can really find your G-spot

My whole family thinks I'm gay
I guess it's always been that way
Maybe it's 'cause of the way that I walk
Makes them think I like... boys

High school party, senior year
Boys and girls are all sippin' on beer
I like soda / Where's the soda?
Am I the only fuckin' person here that likes soda?

Walkin' my poodles, man, it never gets old
With my dogs on the leash, I got bitches on the hold
A first-AIDS kit? That's a rhesus monkey I bust more nuts than a pistachio junkie