Fran Lebowitz Quotes

To lose yourself in a book is the desire of the bookworm. I mean to be taken. That is my desire.

Ask your child what he wants for dinner only if he's buying.

There is no such thing as inner peace. There is only nervousness or death. Any attempt to prove otherwise constitutes unacceptable behavior.

When Toni Morrison said 'write the book you want to read,' she didn't mean everybody.

There's no such thing as advice to the lovelorn. If they took advice, they wouldn't be lovelorn.

Your life story would not make a good book. Don’t even try.

I love sleep because it is both pleasant and safe to use. Pleasant because one is in the best possible company and safe because sleep is the consummate protection against the unseemliness that is the invariable consequence of being awake. What you don't know won't hurt you. Sleep is death without the responsibility.

I prefer dead writers because you don't run into them at parties.

It's much easier to write a solemn book than a funny book. It's harder to make people laugh than it is to make them cry. People are always on the verge of tears.

There is one thing that has disappeared, not just from the U.S. but from the entire world, is the idea of ever being embarrassed by anything.

Think before you speak, read before you think.

If you are a dog and your owner suggests that you wear a sweater, suggest that he wear a tail.

To me the outdoors is what you must pass through in order to get from your apartment into a taxicab.

I doubt there’s ever been a true thing said on Fox. Maybe the weather report, maybe not.

Original thought is like original sin: both happened before you were born to people you could not possibly have met.