Fran Lebowitz Quotes

I open the refrigerator. I decide against the half a lemon and jar of Gulden’s mustard and on the spur of the moment choose instead to have breakfast out. I guess that’s just the kind of girl I am — whimsical. 5:10

I must take issue with the term “a mere child,” for it has been my invariable experience that the company of a mere child is infinitely preferable to that of a mere adult. *

I prefer dead writers because you don't run into them at parties.

Remember that as a teenager you are in the last stage of your life when you will be happy to hear the phone is for you.

Being a woman is of special interest only to aspiring male transsexuals. To actual women it is merely a good excuse not to play football.

But alas, I do not rule the world and that, I am afraid, is the story of my life — always a godmother, never a God.

When you leave New York, you are astonished at how clean the rest of the world is. Clean is not enough.

polite conversation is rarely either

How do you know if your child is a writer? Your obstetrician holds his stethoscope to your abdomen and only hears excuses.

Do not elicit your child's political opinions. He doesn't know any more than you do.