Fran Lebowitz Quotes

I do not believe in God. I believe in cashmere.

The terrible state of public education has paid huge dividends in ignorance. Huge. We now have a country that can be told blatant lies — easily checkable, blatant lies — and I’m not talking about the covert workings of the CIA. When we have a terrorist attack, on September 11, 2001 with 19 men — 15 of them are Saudis — and five minutes later the whole country thinks they’re from Iraq — how can you have faith in the public? This is an easily checkable fact. The whole country is like the O.J. Simpson jurors.

Should you be a teenager blessed with uncommon good looks, document this state of affairs by the taking of photographs. It is the only way anyone will ever believe you in years to come.

There is no such thing as inner peace. There is only nervousness or death.

The customary way for white people to think about the topic of race — and it is only a topic to white people — is to ask, “How would it be if I were black?”…..

The way to approach it, I think, is…to seriously consider what it is like to be white.

I believe in talking behind peoples' backs. That way, they hear it more than once.

You're only as good as your last haircut.

If you are a dog and your owner suggests that you wear a sweater, suggest that he wear a tail.

He allowed people to express their racism and bigotry in a way that they haven’t been able to in quite a while and they really love him for that. It’s a shocking thing to realise people love their hatred more than they care about their own actual lives. The hatred – what is that about? It’s a fear of your own weakness.

In real life, I assure you, there is no such thing as algebra.