Top 15 Groucho Marx Quotes

Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside of a dog it's too dark to read.

I find television very educating. Every time somebody turns on the set, I go into the other room and read a book.

When you're in jail, a good friend will be trying to bail you out. A best friend will be in the cell next to you saying, 'Damn, that was fun'.

From the moment I picked up your book until I put it down, I was convulsed with laughter. Some day I intend reading it.

Learn from the mistakes of others. You can never live long enough to make them all yourself.

I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an exception.

Humor is reason gone mad.

The secret of life is honesty and fair dealing. If you can fake that, you've got it made.

I sent the club a wire stating, PLEASE ACCEPT MY RESIGNATION. I DON'T WANT TO BELONG TO ANY CLUB THAT WILL ACCEPT ME AS A MEMBER.

I've had a perfectly wonderful evening, but this wasn't it.

Those are my principles, and if you don't like them...well I have others.

I, not events, have the power to make me happy or unhappy today. I can choose which it shall be. Yesterday is dead, tomorrow hasn't arrived yet. I have just one day, today, and I'm going to be happy in it.

One morning I shot an elephant in my pajamas. How he got in my pajamas I'll never know.

I'm not crazy about reality, but it's still the only place to get a decent meal.

He may look like an idiot and talk like an idiot but don't let that fool you. He really is an idiot.