Where I felt comfortable was being the one that everyone liked to party with. And it was kind of the way I could fit in.
Well, all I can say is, it's a day-by-day program, and so I'm very worried about relapsing, but I don't know. I don't want to use. I don't want to go back to that place because nothing good came of it. It was super dark; it's not nice.
There's people outside our house; you get followed by photographers; you can't go out and have a cup of coffee with a friend without someone coming up to you
There's a lot of things that were going on. I'd run out of OxyContin, I was doing a lot of Dilaudid. Dilaudid is like a millimeter down from OxyContin. I was doing a lot of those, and life just got super stressful for me.
My parents approached me to go to rehab... So I ran away. I just took off running. I went to a friend's house and I went pretty buck wild. I was snorting Demerol, OxyContin. I don't really remember much.
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It's been real weird. It wasn't how I expected my life to turn out. Especially, mainly pertaining to the show. It never crossed my mind that one day I'm gonna be big and famous and have my own TV show, you know?
I've been drinking and using since I was 13.
I'm totally grateful for the fans my family has and I have; they gave me a lot of support when I was in treatment. But it was just odd, you know? It's stressful. Just the whole fact of being someone in the public eye.
I'm real clear, you know? There's no fogginess.
I'd read things, like people criticizing me. But no one likes to read stuff about that, and probably the main thing that was getting to me was me mum's illness.
I'd have to say that Muay Thai is something special. It's really demanding and it's becoming popular all around the world.
I was interning at a record label - OK, cool. I'm gonna do what my mom did, you know, work her way up in the music industry, the business side of things. I was comfortable with that. That was what I wanted to do. And then just suddenly I am thrown from that. It was super insane.
I was hanging out with no one under 21. I thought that if I really wanted to fit in I had to... show them that I was in a way just as adult as they were, 'cause I could hold my own just as well as they could, if not better.