Karl Pilkington Quotes

My brain's just full of passwords

If that was on my road the council would be like "Get that down, its a deathtrap!"

Could the world fall?

I've never understood what pole dancing's about anyway. It's a waste of a good skill. Get into scaffolding or something.

If an animal is named after what it eats, how interesting is it?

(On fun-sized chocolates) I don't know why they're called fun-sized; I mean, if I called a midget fun-sized, they'd kick off

I've been watchin birds more than insects recently, and the thing I've found with pigeons is: they've got wings but they walk a lot

Now Hilda, she was your bog standard old woman.

But hummus. When did that happen?...but there's a restaurant down the road that that's all they do. That is isn't a proper meal, that's a side-order innit? That's like having a restaurant just floggin' tomato ketchup. Hummus isn't a meal. They don't even try and kid ya to get you in to flog you just hummus, they actually say Oh it's hummus today. Not gonna work, they shut down within a month.

In the sea you've got to be constantly sort of alert. It's worse in the sea [than anywhere else in the animal kingdom]. In the sea you've got an enemy behind every rock.

Just been into the zoo, 'avin a look round an that. Went into the, er, into the aquarium. Mental, the amount of fish that are knockin' about

If he's 27 today, he would have been 26 last week, and he doesn't look 26. He didn't look 26 last week, and he looks older than 28 today.

I saw a cockroach playing Pacman. It was on the internet, right, and somebody had linked up a cockroach to err... to some... I can't even be bothered explaining it, but that's what I'm saying - everything is moving on

That impresses me more, inventin' electricity[Talking about Benjamin Franklin]

[Ricky asks what else he would do with the power of invisibility]Dunno, you could sort of go in shops when they're shut, just get in before they lock up.