Kathy Griffin Quotes

The first red flag? The crooked wig! That's how you know what level of awareness Whitney is at. Cause let me tell - you know her gay was straightening that wig to the bitter end. Making sure the part was in the right place. But you know what - when the (crack) pipe is shaking? It's hard to keep it on, when the pipe is all shaking.

It was sweaty Whitney (Houston) in Central Park. She knew that park pretty well. Every bush!

Now the great thing about the current Britney (Spears) tour, is that it has a lot of fantastic dancing... and she doesn't get bogged down in any....ahm...singing!

(On William Shatner) He is like my favourite red-faced, bloated booze bag.

I know I'm going to Hell. And I think I might see a few of you there. When I get there, it'll be like (waving) "Hi", "Hi", "Oh my God....Hi!"

(On Paris Hilton) Believe it or not, I sort of know her a little bit. And based on that, I'm here to tell you that she is actually.......um.....retarded!

I would rather blow a guy in the bathroom at White Castle in between sliders...because I'm romantic!

(About gay cruising) My gays had to school me, and they said there's a whole system and a language to the tapping. One tap means you're a top, two means you're a bottom.....I don't know, it's very elaborate. Very elaborate.

I don't give a fuck who's gay or straight in the Senate. Who cares? But it's always the one that they have all this tape of, saying gay people shouldn't have civil rights, gay people aren't the same, I would never want a gay person......those are always the ones trying to get a headjob at the fucking airport bathroom at the Minneapolis airport!

Wake up people! If you are gay and living in Pigeon Forge, Tennessee, what the fuck else are you gonna do? You're gonna join the musical theatre. That's all you got in Pigeon Forge - there's no "bear" bar! This is it. Suit up.....put the wings on!

I was in the Oak Park theatre group. But we never had $90 000 to take an ad out! We were lucky if we had money for the glitter for the fucking poster!

As someone who was raised Catholic, and went to St Bernadine's; don't pull your Catholic kid-fucker bullshit with me, motherfuckers! I'm not scared of you. And I'm not havin it!

The 2007 Emmy Awards were a little too Cirque de Seacrest. I shouldn't say that about Ryan, she's a very good hostess.

And then who comes along to save the day? A couple of tool-belt wearing, golf-loving, Dinah Shore weekend lesbians sent from heaven.

I'm not wearing any pants and the lesbians are waiting!