Maddox Quotes

American internet writer

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George Ouzounian (better known as Maddox), born March 27, 1978, is the owner of The Best Page in the Universe, a satirical website.

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Alternative Names: George Ouzounian

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The next time you ask someone how their day is going, expect, no, DEMAND a response. Don't settle for good. Demand the truth. Make them admit that they're having a shitty day, and then do your best to make it worse.

Fernando is wanted for 'murder with a deadly weapon' according to the FBI website. As opposed to being wanted for murder with a non-deadly weapon?

"The next person's phone I hear set to Vivaldi is going to need a hydraulic pump to pry their phone out of their ass."

"This sounds like the soundtrack of a coma." (On U2's song One Step Closer)

6. You realize that if 10 million people saw the movie once, each wasting 3 hours of their lives, that 30 million hours have been wasted, and that if each person lived an average of 70 years, 3,424 years, or 49 lives will have been wasted watching the Titanic. James Cameron has effectively murdered 49 people. (Not necessarily a reason to cry, but it is to a sap that saw Titanic in the first place).

It was like Rambo sent them all Christmas cards, but instead of cards it was murder.

"There are pigs that can manipulate joysticks, yet you morons can't even send me an intelligible email."

"Notice the telltale sign of a man who has a penchant for boy ass: the pedophile-smile or 'pedosmile.' It's part smirk, part grin, and all molester. It's like he's having a two-for-one sale on rape, no refunds or exchanges."

Don't you retards think before you click "Send" that maybe someone on the other end is actually going to read your stupid, malformed emails some day? It's almost like there's a record full of incomprehensible bullshit playing in your mind 24/7, and you put the needle down randomly and whatever it picks up, you just type it up in an email and shoot it off to me, usually mid-sentence.

Passing out while you try to kill yourself is like failing at failing.

"Look out pop-culture! Bono has had enough of 'romantic love'."

It's not that I rule, it's that everyone else sucks more than I do. We all suck, and whoever sucks the least is king.

… the real reason ADD exists is because executives at pharmaceutical companies need to make their Lexus payments.

My Nuts are just under critical mass, a few inches away from collapsing into a super dense vortex of nutsaqutron (a type of radiation given off by enormous balls).

(introduction) "this page is about my opinions. if you disagree, you have a right to your opinion and i can respect that."