Nicole Hollander Quotes

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Nicole Hollander (born April 25, 1939) is an American cartoonist and writer. Her daily comic strip Sylvia is syndicated to newspapers nationally and can be seen on her blog Bad Girl Chats. Hollander has published 19 Sylvia collections, including The Whole Enchilada: A Spicy Collection of Sylvia's Best (1986), Tales from the Planet Sylvia (1990), and The Sylvia Chronicles: 30 Years of Graphic Misbehavior from Reagan to Obama (2010). She is the author of an essay collection, Tales of Graceful Aging from the Planet Denial (2007).

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Birth Name: Nicole Marilyn Garrison

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(Sylvia) Yes, feminism was the apple Eve bit into.

(Cat) So she says I can’t have catnip any more because it’s like a drug. So, like, what’s she worried about: I’m not going to do well in school or what?

(Sylvia) In the beginning Eve was alone in Eden. (Eve) Everything is so beautiful and amicable. (Serpent) I bet deep down, you wish you had an irritating companion.

(Sylvia’s answering machine) Hi, at the sound of the beep please tell me what you like best about me.

(Woman to Devil) I want to refinance my soul. (Devil) You’re going to take a bath on points. (p.78)

(Sign) Mid-year resolutions of the barely under-control. (Woman at desk) <del> I will try to be more understanding of others. I will try to be more patient when dealing with the incompetent people that surround me. </del> I will not slap anyone first thing in the morning. (Sign on desk) The buck stops before it gets here. (p. 78)

(Television) With men or boys at home, your bathroom needs cleaning every day. (Sylvia) Not if you bolt the door. (p. 75)

(Sylvia) Where do you stand? . . . .Do you think that people who like cake should be allowed to serve in combat positions? (p. 74)

(Sylvia) A mature person doesn’t scream at her waiter: “Don’t tell me your name and don’t put anything freshly ground on my salad!” (p. 69)

(Television announcer) The Supreme Court staggered the nation today when they ruled that conception begins the minute you think about sex. (pp. 60-61)

(Sylvia) Things you can do when you’re a grown-up: . . . .3) Default on a home equity loan and lose everything. (p. 57)

(Pilot’s voice on airplane public address system) Geez, I’m sorry about that landing. . . . Why don’t I just go up and try again? (p. 52)

(Sylvia) The experienced traveler always flies first class so that when the engine falls off the plane, she’s drinking champagne.

(Television) Angry women beat up shoe salesman who posed as gynecologist. (Sylvia) I hate guys who do that.

(Sylvia) A really good haircut is as effective in changing one’s life as A) 3 months of psychotherapy. B) 6 months of psychotherapy.