John Bain

Yes! It is—n-no! Nooo! NOOOOO! Why would you have that happen?! That was a win! Ahhhhhhhh!

[demonstrating the pickpocket mechanic] "I kid you not. That's actually Garry's Incident level of terrible."

It is a wasted concept [by] a studio that evidently does not have the talent necessary to create something of this complexity, and my god did they screw it up! This is this year's Revelations 2012! And more to the point—it's even got a Revelations 2012 armgun! It's—[beat]—god…! It is…just…horrendously bad!

I'd love to show you Wormnet, but I'm not gonna risk it, because Wormnet shows your IP address!

I now present to you the fairest maiden—what the hell is wrong with your face?

'What do you think you're doing?! Helps to have a map!' Also, 'Can you find the missing parts of my face?'

Oh, fair maiden… If only I could fix the voids that exist in your fair…visage… Ugh!" [laughs incredulously] "That's one hell of a makeup accident.

I. Want. The. Hat!

'We protected our copyright because TotalBiscuit has no right to make advertising revenues with our license.' Stephane Woods is lying, and here's why.

Don't even tell me about the map. Don't even. Where's the keyhole?

They didn't render a keyhole! …F**k!

Ubisoft, I just want to like your games. Why won't you let me!

WHAT?! YOU FFFFFFFfffffff…" [Silence.] "…I just lost. I just lost…!

Stephane replied within 24 hours and gave us a review code. These are the facts. It's unthinkable that Stephane could possibly believe that we had no intention of monetizing the content.

…Yeah, and that was just the damn start of it, because Ubisoft simply cannot shut UP!