If you could buy time, I would sell it. Yesterday would be expensive, and tomorrow would be cheap. - Jarod Kintz

I want to put silencers on all guns. That way war will be nothing more than a whisper in the future. And all those who are caught whispering will be shot.

In a victory speech, I like to thank the opposition, because without their help, I couldn’t have won.

I remember one time some guy put caviar in my omelet, and I had to complain saying, “Excuse me, you idiot, but there are eggs in my omelet.” He didn’t know how to respond, probably because he felt so foolish.