When our grandparents failed, they had comfortable spiritual furniture to rest in. They had, for the most part, their relationship to God, their rela… - Martin E P Seligman

Depression, sexual troubles, anxiety, loneliness, and guilt are the main problems that drive consumers into the recovery movement. Explaining such adult troubles as being caused by victimization during childhood does not accomplish much. Compare “wounded child” as an explanation to some of the other ways you might explain your problems: “depressive,” “anxiety-prone,” or “sexually dysfunctional.” “Wounded child” is a more permanent explanation; “depressive” is less permanent. As we saw in the first section of this book, depression, anxiety, and sexual dysfunction — unlike being a wounded child — are all eminently treatable. “Wounded child” is also more pervasive in its destructive effects: “Toxic” is the colorful word used to describe its pervasiveness. “Depression,” “anxiety,” and “sexually dysfunctional” are all narrower, less damning labels, and this, in fact, is part of the reason why treatment works.

So “wounded child” (unless you believe in catharsis cures) leads to more helplessness, hopelessness, and passivity than the alternatives. But it is less personal — your parents did it to you — than “depressive,” “anxiety-prone,” and “sexually dysfunctional.” Impersonal explanations of bad events raise self-esteem more than personal ones. Therefore “wounded child” is better for raising your self-esteem and for lowering your guilt.

Self-esteem has become very important to Americans in the last two decades. Our public schools are supposed to nurture the self-esteem of our children, our churches are supposed to minister to the self-esteem of their congregants, and the recovery movement is supposed to restore the self-esteem of victims. Attaining self-esteem, while undeniably important, is a goal that I have reservations about. I think it is an overinflated idea, and my opinion was formed by my work with depressed people.

Depressed people, you will recall, have four kinds of problems: behavioral — they are passive, indecisive, and helpless; emotional — they are sad; b

While you can't control your experiences, you can control your explanations.

15 A. de Tocqueville, Democracy in America (Nueva York: Perennial Classics, 2000). En La democracia en América, Tocqueville explicó que el concepto de felicidad que tenía Jefferson se relacionaba con el dominio de uno mismo para alcanzar la realización duradera. Por lo tanto, la felicidad según Jefferson se parece mucho más al bienestar perdurable que al placer temporal. D. M. McMahon, Happiness: A History (Nueva York: Atlantic Monthly Press, 2006). La mejor fuente sobre la evolución histórica del concepto de felicidad.