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In your whole life nobody has ever abused you more than you have abused yourself. And the limit of your self-abuse is exactly the limit that you will tolerate from someone else. If someone abuses you a little more than you abuse yourself, you will probably walk away from that person. But if someone abuses you a little less than you abuse yourself, you will probably stay in the relationship and tolerate it endlessly.
But they are experts at using their victim's need for attention and affection to manipulate them. It's important to understand that, while abusers are incapable of loving others, they're incapable of loving themselves, also. Abusers need to feel superior. They will obsessively find fault, teach, correct and criticize.
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