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" "Money doesn’t have a conscience. It’s paper. That’s all it is. It’s just paper. It’s not significantly different than the paper that’s in your book. It’s green and it’s got some kind of woven crap in it so that, theoretically, we can’t counterfeit it. But it’s paper. It doesn’t know if you’re a priest or a pornographer. Look, it’s paper. That’s all it is. Nothing less. It’s just paper. It doesn’t have a conscience, it doesn’t know what you are, doesn’t know what you do, doesn’t care. It just moves around. That’s all.
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FINALLY — YOU ARE A SWEEPSTAKES WINNER!
I don’t know about you, but I enter all those darned magazine company sweepstakes. I go for the Reader’s Digest sweepstakes and I buy my weekly lottery tickets — after all, as a character in the movie Let It Ride said, “You could be walking around lucky and not know it.” In a lot of years, though, I have gone winless. The guys with the balloons and the giant-sized check have not shown up at my door. So the headline FINALLY — YOU ARE A SWEEPSTAKES WINNER! got me. I read that letter. And if you send a letter to every one of your customers with that headline on it, every one of them will read it. What should the letter say? Here’s an example, courtesy of the late, great copywriter, my friend Gary Halbert: Dear Valued Customer:
I am writing to tell you that your name was entered into a drawing here at my store and you have won a valuable prize.
As you know, my store, ABC Jewelry, specializes in low-cost, top-quality diamond rings and diamond earrings. Well, guess what? The other day we got in a small shipment of fake diamonds that are made with a new process that makes them look so real they almost fooled me!
Anyway, I don’t want to sell these fakes because they could cause a lot of trouble for the pawnbrokers around town. So I’ve decided to give them away to some of my good customers whose names were selected at random by having my wife, Janet, put all the names in a jar and pull out the winners.
So, you’re one of the winners — and all you’ve got to do is drop in sometime before 5:00 P.M. Friday and you’ll have a 1-karat “diamond” that looks so good it’ll knock your eyes out! Sincerely,
John Jones P.S.: After 5:00 P.M. Friday, I reserve the right to give your prize to someone else. Thank you.
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Many use an “application process” to make people qualify to buy. But none of them have gone to the extremes one did. At various times, he required prospective purchasers to listen to seven hours of introductory material and sign an official-looking affidavit attesting that they had done so before they were permitted to buy.