Top 11 Henny Youngman Quotes

My wife is on a new diet. Coconuts and bananas. She hasn't lost weight, but can she climb a tree.

My wife and I went to a hotel where we got a waterbed. My wife called it the Dead Sea.

My wife told me the car wasn't running well. There was water in the carburetor. I asked where the car was, and she told me it was in the lake.

We always hold hands. If I let go, she shops.

My wife will buy anything marked down. Last year she bought an escalator.

I take my wife everywhere, but she keeps finding her way back.

I was so ugly when I was born, the doctor slapped my mother,

My first Hollywood picture wasn't released, it escaped.

Business was so bad the other night the orchestra was playing "Tea for One."

Take my wife - please!

The secret of a happy marriage remains a secret.