Do you know what Krisnamurti says? Consciously or unconsciously we are all completely selfish, and as long as we get what we want, we believe everything is all right.

'Getting what we want.... but is that happiness ?'

'I don't know. I know that not getting what you want is certainly unhappiness

NEDRA ROSE LATE IN SUMMER AND winter, whenever she could. Her real self lay in bed until nine, stirred, stretched, breathed the new air. Long sleepers are usually nonconformists; they are pensive and somewhat withdrawn.

They ate dinner in silence. Her husband did not look at her. her face annoyed him, he did not know why. She could be good-looking but there were times when she was not. Her face was like a series of photographs, some of which ought to have been thrown away. Tonight it was like that.

Life is contemptuous of knowledge; it forces it to sit in the anterooms, to wait outside. Passion, energy, lies: these are what life admires. Still, anything can be endured if all humanity is watching. The martyrs prove it. We live in the attention of others. We turn to it as flowers to the sun.

Great lovers lie in hell, the poet says. Even now, long afterwards, I cannot destroy the images. They remain within me like the yearnings of an addict. I need only hear certain words, see certain gestures, and my thoughts begin to tumble. I despise myself for thinking of her. Even if she were dead, I would feel the same. Her existence blackens my life.

We preserve ourselves as if that were important, and always at the expense of others. We hoard ourselves. We succeed if they fail, we are wise if they are foolish, and we go onward, clutching, until there is no one — we are left with no companion save God. In whom we do not believe. Who we know does not exist.

When Vivian began to recover they brought her a fluted glass vase with an arrangement of lilies and yellow roses from the flower shop on Eighteenth Street owned by an elegant man Arthur had once been involved with, Christos, who was friends with both of them. He, too, loved the theater and everything about it. Later he opened a restaurant.

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Oh, Anne-Marie, your existence is so pure. You have your poor childhood, postcards from boys in St. Léger, your stepfather, your despair. Nothing can affect you, no revelation, no crime. You are like a sad story, like leaves in the street. You repeat yourself like a song.

«Pero el conocimiento no te protege. La vida desprecia el conocimiento, lo obliga a esperar sentado en la antesala, a esperar fuera. Pasión, energía, mentiras: eso es lo que la vida admira. No obstante, todo es soportable si la humanidad entera observa. Lo demuestran los mártires. Vivimos dentro de la atención ajena. Nos volvemos hacia ella como flores hacia el sol.

No hay una vida completa. Hay sólo fragmentos. Hemos nacido para no tener nada, para que todo se nos pierda entre los dedos. Y, sin embargo, esta pérdida, este diluvio de encuentros, luchas, sueños... hay que ser irreflexivo, como una tortuga. Hay que ser resuelto, ciego. Pues cualquier cosa que hagamos, incluso que no hagamos, nos impide hacer la cosa opuesta. Los actos demuelen sus alternativas, he aquí la paradoja. La vida, por tanto, consiste en elecciones, cada cual definitiva y de poca trascendencia, como tirar piedras al mar. Hemos tenido hijos, pensó; nunca podremos no tener hijos. Hemos sido mesurados, jamás sabremos lo que es despilfarrar nuestra vida…»