Jay London Quotes

I dated a partially nude model, and she did a half-assed job.

So how do you like my overall look? (Jay's usual stage attire was bib overalls)

I saw a stationery store move.

My girlfriend bought me a down jacket, she said it fit my personality.

I get all my hair products at PetCo. (Jay's hair is long, curly, and quite messy)

It'll be over soon, miss.

Did you know it was a year ago today?

I slept with this girl, and in the morning I asked her if she wanted breakfast in bed. She said one pig in the blanket was enough.

I went to the store and bought lady fingers. When I got home I noticed one of the fingers was missing so I went back to the store and the manager was nice enough to give me the finger.

It all started when my dog received free rollover minutes.

I went to a record store and asked for 50 Cent. They kicked me out for pan-handling.

I went out with a promiscuous impressionist. She did everybody.

You know what burns me? Matches.

I went to an audition the other day, they were casting 13 people to be clouds. 14 people showed up, it was overcast.

You might recognize me, I'm the fourth guy from the left on evolutionary chart.