Jeff Foxworthy Quotes

If you're a man and you can't remember the last time you had sex with a woman, you're either gay or married.

You know, I remember Career Day in high school. I remember plumbers and lawyers . . . I don't remember a booth where you could sign up to learn how to shoot chickens out of a cannon at the windshield of an airplane, 'cause there would have been a line at my school to do that!

On life's list of fun things to do, [visiting my in-laws] comes in somewhere below sitting in a tub full of scissors.

A few weeks ago, sitting in traffic -- bumper-to-bumper traffic in Atlanta -- the car in front of me has got a bumper sticker that says "Honk if you love Jesus". I toot the horn a couple times, and the guy flipped me off.

(To his wife) You do not have testicular cancer. You don't even have "testiculars"!