Karl Pilkington Quotes

I was walking home the other night, and I was thinking about it, and do you worry that when you're old you will be on your own?

Yeah but everyone was a saint years ago, that seemed to be thrown about back then. Who's a saint now, in this year, who's a saint? And yet this guy, lived in a hut in the woods, 'oh yeah that's Saint John or whatever.' He wasn't a saint, he did nothin [Karl arguing with Steve and Ricky about Russian artifacts containing a portrait of a Russian Saint]

I've been watchin birds more than insects recently, and the thing I've found with pigeons is: they've got wings but they walk a lot

On chameleons - Stay green. Stay in the woods. Stay safe.

I'd kick it, and I'd say 'You knob-head'. - Karl tells Ricky his response to being poisoned by an octopus.

This isn't Amazon where you can go "I'm not happy with the product" and pop it back in the post. Thats it, you've got it

People who live in a glass house have to answer the door - Karl invents his own phrase based on Those who live in glass houses shouldn't throw stones.

As long as you're rememberin' baby Jesus, does it matter when you're rememberin' 'im[Karl on how he hates Christmas being the same date each year]

Language is a powerful thing init...er...

Just pop it on your wrist. - Ricky asks Karl how his 'invention' of a watch that counts down your life would actually work.

Just sort of wander about and that, and just not get seen [What he would do with the power of invisibility]

Well...like, when you're born, you're a little baby, you're wrinkly and stuff, when you get older you sort of morph into a baby again...

Flies used to be happy-go-lucky, on their own; the sun’s out, have a fly about. Now, there’s little attacks going on.

Karl's Diary - Read about a pub which is gettin' some stick 'cause its stopped a horse goin' in. Its been the horse' regular for ages, but some new owners have taken over the pub and they said they're servin' fresh food and don't want a horse in there anymore

Walking down the street in London with Suzanne, saw a little homeless.. well I didn't see the homeless bloke right, I saw a leg stickin out of a doorway, thought 'here we go', right. Walked past it, right, you're not gonna believe this. Homeless.... Chinese fella. I've never seen one of them.