Mel Brooks Quotes

Moses: Lord, I shall give these laws unto thy people. Do you hear me? Do you hear me?! All pay heed! The Lord! The Lord Jehovah has given unto you these fifteen- [drops one of the tablets] Oy. Ten! Ten commandments! For all to obey!

Josephus: I'm Josephus, and I'm the main course over at the Colosseum!

Dark Helmet [after everyone on the bridge announces that their last name is "Asshole."]: I knew it, I'm surrounded by Assholes.'''

Robin Hood: Watch my back!
Achoo: Yo' back just got punched twice.

Hope for the best, expect the worst. Life is a play, we're unrehearsed.

It's Wheird, there's an H in there. Gotta hit that H otherwise they think I'm some sort of a kook!

King Richard: From this day forward, all toilets in this kingdom shall be known as...'Johns'!

I got it! I got it! I got it!…I ain’t got it.

Comedy brings religious persecutors, dictators, and tyrants to their knees faster than any other weapon.

Will Scarlet Blinkin, fix your boobs, you look like a bleeding Picasso.

If you're quiet, you're not living. You've got to be noisy and colorful and lively.

Bloom, look at me. Look at me, Bloom. Bloom I'm drowning. Other men sail through life, Bialystock has struck a reef. Bloom, I'm going under. I'm being sunk by a society that demands success when all I can offer is failure. Bloom, I'm reaching out to you. Don't send me to prison. HELLLLLP!!!

King Louis XVI: [prior to his arrest] It's good to be the king. [also used in Robin Hood- Men In Tights and The Producers [Musical]]

Igor: My grandfather used to work for your grandfather. Of course the rates have gone up.

Comedy made me friends, big friends to protect me from bullies. I made them laugh, and you don’t hit the kid that makes you laugh.