Top 15 Stassi Schroeder Quotes

and if i'm gonna be honest I'm really fucked up on adderall and tequila

When I die, I want to be taxidermied and then at my wake, I'm gonna have a glass of wine in my hand and people can come in a photo booth and take of photos with me

I’d rather light one of my arms on fire than go to something as boring as a puppy shower.

I wish I was there last night because I’ve always wanted a severed human head on a spike in my apartment and this was the perfect opportunity to get it.

Everyone’s acting like it’s their own private chef back there. You’re in a restaurant, we have a set menu, just pick something and shut the fuck up.

I normally would’ve literally ran across that float with daggers, and not only stabbed you both, like, 40 times, but then thrown you off, tarred and feathered each of you, beheaded you, and quartered your bodies, and dragged them through the city of West L.A. on a disgusting truck.

Did Scheana just flip flop on flip flopping?

The only thing that I have holding me back right now is that I have self respect and dignity. Thank god for Kristen, who is unburdened by those anchors.

I am going to crucify her. I'm going to destroy her life. You have no idea.

Why didn't I have a bottle of wine before I did this?

Who can say no to an open bar?

I hate you, I hate you, I hate you. Go fuck yourself and die.

I am so good at making people feel like shit when they deserve to feel like shit.

It's my dream to have three glasses of wine in front of me at all times.

My mom has always told me that I’m a descendant of a Swedish princess, so I try and act like one.