Stassi Schroeder Quotes

I want to wrap a dildo in acid and give it Kristen as a present so it tears out her insides.

I feel like if I did a boudoir photo shoot with Beau, I would be styled as Daenerys in a giant tub filled with ranch. Who could resist that? Playboy?

Like, I would have it at fucking TGI Fridays. I would have done it somewhere with good ranch.

Oh, and can I have a side of balsamic vinegar? I like eating that with pizza. Top five condiments for pizza, in order. Number one going to be a mixture of sriracha and ranch. Number two is just plain ranch. Number three is balsamic. Number four, plain hot sauce.

and I want some fried goat cheese balls.

I want to get some goat cheese balls really bad.

She is a ass sucker. Sorry. And she's sucking on your ass right now.

I'd rather give birth to a dump truck than have that conversation with Lisa again.

[To Jax Taylor] Well, Don't swim away like a moody mermaid.

Schwartz is like half weasel, half vagina.

It's like the devil just shit me out into this weird, like, Mars planet where there's palm trees and old people

which is I don't like working with other fucking people. That might make me selfish. Fine, then I'm selfish.

that, like, I prefer to be a dictator and not part of a democracy.

I like to compare myself to, Like, King Henry VIII. Once you fuck up, Like, Off with your heads.

Like, He should probably be stoned to death.