Woody Allen Quotes

My films are therapy for my debilitating depression. In institutions people weave baskets. I make films.

Sex is the most fun you can have without laughing.

Money is better than poverty, if only for financial reasons.

Agathon: But all that talk about death being the same as sleep. Socrates: Yes, the difference is that when you're dead and somebody yells, "Everybody up, it's morning," it's very hard to find your slippers.

I just can't listen to any more Wagner, you know...I'm starting to get the urge to conquer Poland.

I was walking through the woods, thinking about Christ. If He was a carpenter, I wondered what He charged for bookshelves.

Taste my tuna casserole — tell me if I put in too much hot fudge.

If only God would give me some clear sign! Like making a large deposit in my name in a Swiss bank.

I'm astounded by people who want to 'know' the universe when it's hard enough to find your way around Chinatown.

As the poet said, 'Only God can make a tree' — probably because it's so hard to figure out how to get the bark on.

Viscous and Sons had announced publication of The Annotated Poems of Sean O'Shawn, the great Irish poet, considered by many to be the most incomprehensible and hence the finest poet of his time. Abounding in highly personal references, an understanding of O'Shawn's work requires an intimate knowledge of his life, which, according to scholars, not even he had.

I took a speed-reading course and read War and Peace in twenty minutes. It involves Russia.

What if everything is an illusion and nothing exists? In that case, I definitely overpaid for my carpet.

As we know, for centuries Rome regarded the Open Hot Turkey Sandwich as the height of licentiousness.

The wicked at heart probably know something.