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...years of insanity have made this guy crazy!
Curiosity, that's what kills us. Not muggers or all that bullshit about the ozone layer. It's our own hearts and minds.
Is anything in nature actually "perfect" with the exception of my Uncle Hyman's stupidity? Who am I to demand perfection? I, with my myriad faults. I made a list of my faults, but could not get past: 1) Sometimes forgets his hat.
Some guy hit my fender the other day, and I said unto him, 'Be fruitful, and multiply'. But not in those words.
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I'm not a drinker — my body will not tolerate spirits. I had two Martinis on New Year's Eve and I tried to hijack an elevator and fly it to Cuba.
It's very hard to keep your spirits up. You've got to keep selling yourself a bill of goods, and some people are better at lying to themselves than others. If you face reality too much, it kills you.... you've got to find an answer to the question: Why go on?
He had been mistaken several times for Robert Redford, but on each occasion it was by a blind person.
And my parents finally realize I'm kidnapped and they snap into action immediately: They rent out my room.
I am at two with nature.
[The universe is] haphazard, morally neutral, and unimaginably violent.
I wonder if Socrates and Plato took a house on Crete during the summer.
Eternal nothingness is O.K. if you're dressed for it.
To a man standing on the shore, time passes quicker than to a man on a boat — especially if the man on the boat is with his wife.
Is sex dirty? Only if it's done right.
You know what my philosophy of life is? That it’s important to have some laughs, but you got to suffer a little too, because otherwise you miss the whole point to life.
Don't Drink the Water (1994)