He was born a better dancer than me. He was a stillborn baby, and he inspired my new product: Dance Lessons In A Jar. - Jarod Kintz

It’s absolutely unfair for women to say that guys only want one thing: sex. We also want food.

I went on a blind date last night. We watched a silent film. We stayed up all night talking in sign language. I fell asleep in the fetal position in her cat's litter box. Ah, 'twas a great night. I'll never forget dancing with an albino under the stars.

All thoughts, secret or spoken, belong in a coffee table book written in Braille, so you can really feel the emotions.