Bill Engvall Quotes

Engvall's car breaks down on a highway, there's smoke pouring out of the hood, and a motorist stops to help him.

in the lost luggage office in Buffalo

Engvall is waiting for an elevator. A man walks up

Engvall has an elk hung on the wall.

Engvall and his buddy get off a boat with a big string of bass.

Engvall and his wife are packing up their stuff to move, with a U-Haul sitting in their driveway.

Engvall pulls his car into a gas station after his tire goes flat.

Truck driver gets his truck stuck under an overpass, with Engvall watching.

On the phone with his wife when the plane he was on stopped after hitting a deer.

Engvall is in the park flying a kite with his son.

His explanation for the "signs"

I thought "RV" stood for "Recreational Vehicle." No! It stands for "Ruins Vacations."

[having been recognized by a woman in a diner]

We could walk into a Chinese restaurant right here in Chicago. And the waiter could have been born here, raised here, went to college here, he has never left the city limits. I'm the idiot that walks in that restaurant and goes [in exaggerated Chinese] "Uh, yes. I'll have fried rice. Egg roll..." And you can see him go "I am so going to spit in your food, I swear to God." And it drives my daughter crazy. 'Cause she goes "why do you do that? That is so insulting to them!"

[taking a vacation with his family in Costa Rica]