Fran Lebowitz Quotes

That I am totally devoid of sympathy for, or interest in, the world of groups is directly attributable to the fact that my two greatest needs and desires — smoking cigarettes and plotting revenge — are basically solitary pursuits.

Being a woman is of special interest only to aspiring male transsexuals. To actual women it is merely a good excuse not to play football.

No animal should ever jump up on the dining room furniture unless absolutely certain that he can hold his own in the conversation.

Perhaps the least cheering statement ever made on the subject of art is that life imitates it.

To me, nothing can be more important than giving children books, It's better to be giving books to children than drug treatment to them when they're 15 years old. Did it ever occur to anyone that if you put nice libraries in public schools you wouldn't have to put them in prisons?

I never took hallucinogenic drugs because I never wanted my consciousness expanded one unnecessary iota.

If people don't want to listen to you, what makes you think they want to hear from your sweater?

فكر قبل أن تتكلم، واقرأ قبل أن تفكر

I am not the type of person who wants to go back to the land I am the type who wants to got back to the hotel.

Life is something you do when you can’t get to sleep.

People have been cooking and eating for thousands of years, so if you are the very first to have thought of adding lime juice to scalloped potatoes try to understand there must be a reason for this.

This is not my favorite way to wake up. My favorite way to wake up is to have a certain French movie star whisper to me softly at two thirty in the afternoon that if I want to get to Sweden in time to pick up my Nobel Prize for Literature I had better ring for breakfast. This occurs rather less often than one might wish.

The girl in your class who suggests that this year the Drama Club put on The Bald Soprano will be a thorn in people's sides all of her life.

Presently it appears that people are mainly concerned with being well rested. Those capable of uninterrupted sleep are much admired. Unconsciousness is in great demand. This is the day of the milligram.

The rigors of learning how to do long division have been a traditional part of childhood, just like learning to smoke. In fact, as far as I am concerned, the two go hand in hand. Any child who cannot do long division by himself does not deserve to smoke.

There is no such thing as inner peace. There is only nervousness or death. Any attempt to prove otherwise constitutes unacceptable behavior.