Fran Lebowitz Quotes

There's no equivalent to Mozart in writing.

If, while watching the sun set on a used-car lot in Los Angeles, you are struck by the parallels between the image and the inevitable fate of humanity, do not, under any circumstance, write it down.

You're only as good as your last haircut.

Stand firm in your refusal to remain conscious during algebra. In real life, I assure you, there is no such thing as algebra.

..[l]et me assure you: the world is full of mediocre men who are stunning successes.

I open the refrigerator. I decide against the half a lemon and jar of Gulden’s mustard and on the spur of the moment choose instead to have breakfast out. I guess that’s just the kind of girl I am — whimsical. 5:10

Sarcasm: what they have in New York instead of jacuzzis.

I am not a callous sort. I believe that all people should have warm clothing, sufficient food, and adequate shelter. I do feel, however, that unless they are willing to behave in an acceptable manner they should bundle up, chow down, and stay home.

The customary way for white people to think about the topic of race — and it is only a topic to white people — is to ask, “How would it be if I were black?”…..

The way to approach it, I think, is…to seriously consider what it is like to be white.

Women who insist upon having the same options as men would do well to consider the option of being the strong silent type.

First of all, nature is by and large to be found out of doors, a location where, it cannot be argued, there are never enough comfortable chairs.

He allowed people to express their racism and bigotry in a way that they haven’t been able to in quite a while and they really love him for that. It’s a shocking thing to realise people love their hatred more than they care about their own actual lives. The hatred – what is that about? It’s a fear of your own weakness.

I love sleep because it is both pleasant and safe to use. Pleasant because one is in the best possible company and safe because sleep is the consummate protection against the unseemliness that is the invariable consequence of being awake. What you don’t know won’t hurt you. Sleep is death without the responsibility.

It is not good form to take a Trick out unless one is so firmly established as to be able to afford being associated with someone who might at any given moment write a poem in public.

Being offended is the natural consequence of leaving one’s home.