Groucho Marx Quotes

Boogey boogey boogey

The first part of the party of the first part shall be known in this contract as the first part of the party of the first part shall be known in this contract — Look, why should we quarrel about a thing like this? We'll take it right out, eh?

"Chico: "Here's the book, it's a dollar"
Groucho: "Here's a ten, and shoot the change."
Chico: "I don't have change I'd have to give you nine more books.

Each morning when I open my eyes I say to myself: I, not events, have the power to make me happy or unhappy today. I can choose which it shall be. Yesterday is dead, tomorrow hasn't arrived yet. I have just one day, today, and I'm going to be happy in it.

My plans are still in embryo, a town on the edge of wishful thinking.

Laugh and the world laughs with you, cry and you're probably watching the wrong channel.

"Would you mind getting off that fly paper and giving the flies a chance?"
"Ahhh, you can't trick me! Flies don't read papers!"

John you say you met in an elevator. Was the elevator going up at the time, or down? This is very important, for going down in an elevator one always has that sinking feeling and for all I know you may have this confused with love. If you were going up, it is clearly a case of love at first sight...

This isn't a particularly novel observation, but the world is full of people who think they can manipulate the lives of others merely by getting a law passed.

Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.

Hail, hail Freedonia, land of the free!

With the possible exception of clothes, beauty salons and Frank Sinatra, there are few subjects all women agree upon.

I wouldn't want to belong to a club that would have me as a member

Years ago, I tried to top everybody, but I don't anymore. I realized it was killing conversation. When you're always trying for a topper you aren't really listening. It ruins communication

Come on in girls, and leave all hope behind.