Groucho Marx Quotes

American comedian (1890–1977)

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Julius Henry Marx (2 October 1890 – 19 August 1977), known as Groucho Marx, was an American comedian and actor known as a member of the Marx Brothers comedy act and for his solo film and television career.

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Birth Name: Julius Henry Marx

Alternative Names: Julius Marx

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Hollywood brides keep the bouquets and throw away the grooms.

I read in the newspapers they are going to have 30 minutes of intellectual stuff on television every Monday from 7:30 to 8. to educate America. They couldn't educate America if they started at 6:30.

No one is completely unhappy at the failure of his best friend.

If you find it hard to laugh at yourself, I would be happy to do it for you.

She's so in love with me, she doesn't know anything. That's why she's in love with me.

I've got a good mind to go out and join a club and beat you over the head with it.

Paying alimony is like feeding hay to a dead horse.

Behind every successful man is a woman, behind her is his wife.

I never go to movies where the hero's tits are bigger than the heroine's.

Was that you or the duck?

My mother loved children — she would have given anything if I had been one.

Hello, I must be going.

Die, my dear? Why that's the last thing I'll do!

The first thing which I can record concerning myself is, that I was born. These are wonderful words. This life, to which neither time nor eternity can bring diminution - this everlasting living soul, began. My mind loses itself in these depths.

If I hold you any closer I'll be in back of you!